Academia, Love Me Back

Academia, Love Me Back

My name is Tiffany Martínez. As a McNair Fellow and student scholar, I’ve presented at national conferences in San Francisco, San Diego, and Miami. I have crafted a critical reflection piece that was published in a peer-reviewed journal managed by the Pell Institute for the Study of Higher Education and Council for Opportunity in Education. I have consistently juggled at least two jobs and maintained the status of a full-time student and Dean’s list recipient since my first year at Suffolk University. I have used this past summer to supervise a teen girls empower program and craft a thirty page intensive research project funded by the federal government. As a first generation college student, first generation U.S. citizen, and aspiring professor I have confronted a number of obstacles in order to earn every accomplishment and award I have accumulated. In the face of struggle, I have persevered and continuously produced content that is of high caliber. 

I name these accomplishments because I understand the vitality of credentials in a society where people like me are not set up to succeed. My last name and appearance immediately instills a set of biases before I have the chance to open my mouth. These stereotypes and generalizations forced on marginalized communities are at times debilitating and painful. As a minority in my classrooms, I continuously hear my peers and professors use language that both covertly and overtly oppresses the communities I belong to. Therefore, I do not always feel safe when I attempt to advocate for my people in these spaces. In the journey to become a successful student, I swallow the “momentary” pain from these interactions and set my emotions aside so I can function productively as a student. 

Today is different. At eight o’clock this morning, I felt both disrespected and invalidated. For years I have spent ample time dissecting the internalized racism that causes me to doubt myself, my abilities, and my aspirations. As a student in an institution extremely populated with high-income white counterparts, I have felt the bitter taste of not belonging. It took until I used my cloud of doubt and my sociological training to realize that my insecurities are rooted in the systems I navigate every day. I am just as capable if not more so than those around me and my accomplishments are earned. 

This morning, my professor handed me back a paper (a literature review) in front of my entire class and exclaimed “this is not your language.” On the top of the page they wrote in blue ink: “Please go back and indicate where you cut and paste.” The period was included. They assumed that the work I turned in was not my own. My professor did not ask me if it was my language, instead they immediately blamed me in front of peers. On the second page the professor circled the word “hence” and wrote in between the typed lines “This is not your word.” The word “not” was underlined. Twice. My professor assumed someone like me would never use language like that. As I stood in the front of the class while a professor challenged my intelligence I could just imagine them reading my paper in their home thinking could someone like her write something like this? 

In this interaction, my undergraduate career was both challenged and critiqued. It is worth repeating how my professor assumed I could not use the word “hence,” a simple transitory word that connected two relating statements. The professor assumed I could not produce quality research. The professor read a few pages that reflected my comprehension of complex sociological theories and terms and invalidated it all. Their blue pen was the catalyst that opened an ocean of self-doubt that I worked so hard to destroy. In front of my peers, I was criticized by a person who had the academic position I aimed to acquire. I am hurting because my professor assumed that the only way I could produce content as good as this was to “cut and paste.” I am hurting because for a brief moment I believed them. 

Instead of working on my English paper that is due tomorrow, I felt it crucial to reflect on the pain that I am sick of swallowing. My work is a reflection of my growth in a society that sees me as the other. For too long I have others assume I am weak, unintelligent, and incapable of my own success. Another element of this invalidation is that as I sit here with teary eyes describing the distress I am too familiar with, the professor has probably forgotten all about it.  My heartache can not be universally understood and until it is, I have to continue to fight. At this moment, there are students who will never understand the desolation that follows an underlined “not.” There are students who will be assumed capable without the need to list their credentials in the beginning of a reflective piece. How many degrees do I need for someone to believe I am an academic?

At this moment, I am in the process of advocating for myself to prove the merit of my content to people who will never understand what it is like to be someone like me. Some of you won’t understand how every word that I use to describe this moment was diligently selected in a way that would properly reflect my intellect. I understand that no matter how hard I try or how well I write, these biases will continue to exist around me. I understand that my need to fight against these social norms is necessary. 

In reality, I am tired and I am exhausted. On one hand, this experience solidifies my desire to keep going and earn a PhD but on the other it is a confirmation of how I always knew others saw me. I am so emotional about this paper because in the phrase “this is not your word,” I look down at a blue inked reflection of how I see myself when I am most suspicious of my own success. The grade on my paper was not a letter, but two words: “needs work.” And it’s true. I am going to graduate in May and enter a grad program that will probably not have many people who look like me. The entire field of academia is broken and erases the narratives of people like me. We all have work to do to fix the lack of diversity and understanding among marginalized communities. We all have work to do. 

Academia needs work.

3,813 thoughts on “Academia, Love Me Back

  1. He is the one not wise enough for realizing exactly WHO he had in his class. He has now enraged countless others who do. And, on top of that, he has created in you a horrible memory, yes, but one you are going to use throughout your career and life in the exact opposite way, right? And while you do that, those who are helped by you will go on and help others. Guess who’s legacy is going to last longer? Hugs.

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  2. My nine year old just used the word hence properly the other day,,, so I would suspect most collage students be able to use it. He could have cut and pasted a portion too find out if you were copying. Profess ers can be jerks, one of mine told me”grandparent death was the excuse of the week” when I explained being out.

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  3. I’m angry and saddened by this story. Tiffany you have said it all really. Your writing is honest, and eloquent even in distress. I wish I could give you a hug, sit down share some tea, and have a writing session with you.

    How dare anyone, anyone tell someone that language does not belong to them. This professor shames the very name. She should be called an antifessor. You feel that particular world of academia does not love you back. Your love for academia will outshine this terrible feeling. However I, as an academic, send you love and support.
    As it says in the URL of your WordPress journal: ¡VIVA TIFFANY!

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  4. Tiffany, I am so sorry that you went through this. As a woman of color, I understand your pain. Please do not let this experience break you or doubt yourself.

    Remember this moment and continue to strive on. You are paving the way for future generations in your family and other students of color at your school. I will be cheering for you, Tiffany!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I cannot believe that anyone would think using “hence” in a university-level paper is an indication of plagiarism. I can’t remember exactly when I was taught to use “hence” in formal essays, but I do remember it being included in several English classes, all well before university. I would expect most high school students to be capable of using the word properly, and I would expect it to be common-place in university students’ work.

    Bad enough that he made the assumption in the first place based on such weak evidence. Worse that he proceeded to leave those comments on your paper without using the tools available to actually check for plagiarism. But to then call your intelligence and honesty into question in front of your classmates? Absolutely disgusting, and should on it’s own be grounds for disciplinary action of some kind, and an apology to you. Professors are supposed to teach their students, not humiliate them, and abuse of power like that shouldn’t be tolerated. I’d be inclined to suspend him, at the very least, and have all of your previous work in that class re-evaluated by someone else to be sure you’re getting the mark you deserve.

    I hope you are successful in proving your integrity and getting your work fairly graded, and I hope you continue to write high-quality papers without harassment from classmates or professors.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. OmG, when I was in college something similar happened to me. I don’t know if I was discriminated or they just thought I was stupid . Anyway, I kept on writing my essays on different topics based on the same novel by Isabel Allende. I really love writing, but I guess I’m just lazy. One day, I really had some deep thinking and wrote a sentence that my teacher and even the writing lab people thought I needed to cite. But, really how am I going to quote something that it is mine? They assumed this particular sentence didn’t sound like the rest of my essay. I was so mad 😡 Anyway, I ended up making a fake reference with my grandmother’s last name on it, “Pinson, Alicia. and bla, bla, bla,” fake story title and everything. Yeah, I guess that sounded pretty “white” that no one bother to check if it was a legit source 😤

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  7. Please do not give up. Don’t let racists win. It’s an uphill battle, and it’s not fair, but don’t give up. If your professor can’t be an adult, then you may have to. I really hope this works out for you.

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  8. I sooooo feel your pain. This happened to me OFTEN during undergrad at Iowa State and in a class in grad school at Governors State University in Illinois. I left both universities and completed my degrees elsewhere.

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  9. I hope your college leaves you with an avenue to redress this grievance. The abundance of plagiarism protection sites that are employed these days, having had to write more then one research paper on the college level in the past decade, should make proving your side easy.

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  10. As a Suffolk alum, I’m upset with the way this professor has handled this situation. The accusation of plagiarism without proof and in front of a class is unconscionable.
    Fight this and do not stop until you get vindicated.

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  11. I am a first generation college student who is now a terminally degreed university professor of over 12 years. What a jerk. Don’t ever let someone else’s assumptions dictate your worth. You know what you are capable of… Keep the critic’s voice quiet and succeed.

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  12. It is possible that this is a FERPA violation in accusing you in front of your peers. Your grades and accusations like this should be covered by federal privacy laws. It may also be explicitly protected by your student handbook. Make this clear when talking to the professor, to his chair, to his dean, and to the discrimination officer. The professor has to follow certain laws in making a plagiarism accusation (such as documenting his claim) and do so with respect to your privacy rights. Good luck to you!!

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  13. You’re more than welcome to study with me Tiffany…I’m well acquainted with what you’re confronting and would be honored to mentor you as you work on your doctorate. I’m so sorry to hear about what you encountered in your Suffolk classroom. Sounds like you ran into an inexperienced and insensitive instructor.

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  14. Throughout all these years, I fear Latinos, as a group, have a pretty well earned the fame of being people where the only field they excel is on partying and lowriding when not being stuck into romantic stuff.

    Maybe biases may be evolutive brain tools useful to filter the gross, but never the fine.

    After traveling by hitchhiking through every South America country through a pretty long time, I realized that things like passion for excellence, obsessive attention to detail, deep emotional self control, selfless collaboration, rational empathy and assertiveness are qualities not so many Latinos are used to have, far less welcome among peers. To put it into perspective, it’s like to find an extroverted Asian with a very close sense of proxemics.

    It’s not racism, as this multicultie generation is used to think; it’s something we can usually expect. But expectatives are to protect us from dissapointment. Not from excellence.

    As a Latino myself, I learned the hard way to recognize reputation as a newcomer doesn’t or maybe even won’t play on my favor at all apart of instigating fear. But even, instead of assuming a role as a victim of racism and/or bigotry because of some big bully with a big stick, a gun, or an academic title, decide to target me, rather deal with it by letting my results to go far beyond the reputation of the country, region or ethnicity I have been mostly bound from the beginning of my life, something that, like you all, wherever you are, is absolutely impossible to choose. And commitment to excellence can’t be negotiable.

    Maybe in your feet I should have answered boldly, and with the toughness built on being a survivor (after the WTF face) on plain Latin: “Onus probandi”. After that, retire, raising the incident through proper channels.

    It’s not only unprofessional, but also inappropriate and inaccurate. Simply put, there are many more effective ways to catch someone cheating than relying on a simple word, please.

    Maybe some better should know:

    Those ones who excel, those who CAN, end up realizing the only possible way to learn and do their best, whether alone, or with the best working on team to build their dreams, is by arriving to a country where parents, bosses and teachers won’t be sowing on their brains since early childhood constant and repeatedly to every idea and endeavor: “No se puede”. “Es Imposible”.

    If developed countries are whatever their are, anything but a Banana Republic, is mostly because of their strong commitment to excellence, tolerance and freedom. Let those who share those values come in, and avoid the rest. No matter if White, or Black; Brown, Latino, Asian or Redhead, just by getting beyond a country stuck on mediocrity, lack of reason and bad politics, too many of those studying on a well reputated university past the first semesters, are showing THEY CAN. And they not only deserve, but must to be treated like what they are: Pretty capable people.

    Maybe the only acceptable discrimination should be founded on merit.

    PD: Beyond of whatever many of those who have commented on this before share or not my honest but not expected to be popular position. Anyway, I want to thank you all for all your insightful and respectful comments. :3

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    1. Thank you for speaking up! I was in graduate school and received a failing grade after (correctly) doing a full page proof. A male colleague simply wrote the answer and received an 80%. When I asked my teacher about it, he said that he knew my male classmate knew the answer and knew I didn’t. It fucking sucks. Sorry this happened to you. Hence the reply. ❤

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  15. Dear Tiffany,
    Unfortunately you have been introduced to the beginning of a not so just system in our society. This is not an isolated incident. I wish I could tell you it was. I have taken my education and applied it to best practices. I have been a high school principal for almost 18 years. As a Latina educator, with credentials that would choke anyone with an Ivy League Education, I am always suspect, never believed, the first to be questioned should something go south, and NEVER given the same benefit of the doubt as my white counterparts. The powers that be will take the word of a teacher before taking mine, which is unheard of in this business.
    I have done nothing but my duties with integrity, honor and respect for students and the community, which is usually Hard-to-Serve. Yet, I always seem to find myself defending my character and the good name my parents gave me.
    I’m afraid it doesn’t get any better Tiffany. The good fight is one thing. But, this has been an uphill battle my whole life.
    You have a fighting chance. I am 60 years old. My advice to you, keep writing, keep pushing. Expose those who have the audacity to question your ethics and your good name.
    Good luck to you my dear.

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  16. I am so sorry Tiffany. As a fellow writer and a college alumni I am pained to hear this. Although I have never experienced such awful bias towards my skin color (I am white, but also Mongolian – you can’t tell with my blonde hair), I have been disrespected due to my gender and sexual orientation within the classroom. However, this has never happened to me. No one has ever assumed I plagiarized something, probably because of my privilege, but also what the fuck?

    What happened to you was absolute garbage. “Not your word…” jeez, then whose word is it? Continue to claim these words as your own, Tiffany. You are powerful and brave for sharing your experience online. Now your experience has gone viral and you’ve certainly changed some peoples’ lives, you’ve certainly sparked outrage. You’re going to be such a bomb professor – I know it. Please keep your head up and continue to face your challenges. Don’t give up. We need people like you.

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    1. P.S. I was also a first generation college, from a poor immigrant family too – AND STILL have never had something happen to me like this, even if people knew…because I was white. Ugh, this is just outrageous. I’m so mad for you, with you.

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  17. This is a very unfortunate experience that sadly is very frequent among Spanish speaking students that study stateside. Many professors ignore that many of these talented students come from excellent bilingual schools back home and they have better writing skills that many of their stateside peers.

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  18. A past professor would pose questions based on required readings — repeatedly declared that my classmate and I (both ethnically Indigenous Alaskans) were incorrect. We were both dedicated students who arrived to each class prepared and used to being the top of our classes. After, with crossed arms furrowed brow and shaking head she declared our answers incorrect she’d call on a White student. The student would provide an answer that mirrored ours to which she’d respond with an emphatic yes smiling nodding head and open arms to emphasize how right they were. One of the students who’d mirror our answers didn’t own the textbook, never read the material, arrived to class under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It was extremely confusing both of us questioned our intelligence and ability to pursue graduate school. Near the end of the semester I found out the my White classmates had noticed the professors behavior but for a variety of reasons felt helpless to intervene. The other Indigenous student attempted to meet with the professor to address the behavior but was refused. I sent a detailed email that wasn’t responded to. At the time I didn’t want to harm her career so I chose not to file a complaint. I regret not reporting her behavior.

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  19. It is my Anglo-Saxon heritage and not my education and intellect that come to the fore as I select the words I would like to yell at that professor. I want that person called out, publicly, in a way that brings them to doubt their right to be in that classroom. And it sounds as though they have reason to doubt. I’m glad to read that the department head stood up for you, and hope that professor undergoes at minimum some remedial training, and is henceforth required to “blind grade” papers, without knowledge of the writer’s name, sex or ethnic identity.

    You’re going to help build a world where this stops happening, and thank you for sharing this painful story, because it proves your point as eloquently as a stack of peer-reviewed journal articles loaded with statistics and studies.

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  20. Feel proud of your “roots”, and grow through adversity. I believe there’s no marinated group that can overcome any thing. Felicidades.
    Ps. Last Novel Price was awarded to immigrants that live in “USA”.

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  21. Sending love, light, and support from a fellow first-generation, low-income, Hispanic McNair scholar. I was the first person in my family to complete an undergraduate and later graduate degree, and now I’m a university instructor. Please report this professor to all kinds of investigatory boards at your university–this degrading behavior is not acceptable at all. Wishing you the best and a successful future!

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  22. You are intelligent and strong. Do not let the words of one critical professor stop you from pursuing the career you are destined for. I hope this professor receives discipline for what they have said, because you don’t deserve to be treated like that.. no one does.

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  23. Tiffany, I say this as someone who, in my Undergrad days, was a writing tutor for my dept. and worked with a lot of students who were ESL, as well as native speakers, and who now as a PhD student continues to help my colleagues in Postgrad level work with their writing: you are an EXCELLENT writer! This blog post has an outstanding rhetorical structure and rhythm to it, you are expressive, powerful, and cogent. Don’t ever let ANYONE anywhere tell you otherwise! That “professor” is an idiot.

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  24. Reblogged this on Some Kind of Artist and commented:
    Absolutely ridiculous that things like this happen. I would have threatened to sue if he didn’t grade me fairly. This is the reason we must know our worth.

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  25. Beautiful. Eloquent. Well-written. Touching. Compelling. Heart-rending. Outraged. Moved. Impressed. Challenged. Keep going. ❤️

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  26. This article cuts my heart to the core. I am a college Lecturer and find it deplorable that one that should be guiding you along the path of success is instead darkening the light meant to assist you to completion.

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  27. Well, at least he didn’t use a red pen, because THAT would have been hurtful. Don’t let that narrow-minded dimwit get you down. Keep going strong.

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  28. With no empirical evidence, in front your peers your professor degraded you and set an egregiously poor example for every student in your class …I only have one response: LAWSUIT! I am not litigious at heart but your professor crossed the line…I’m sorry that your professor did that to you but know it’s a reflection of who he is, not of you. Flesh tone should not even be a consideration in academia.

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  29. This makes me so angry. I hope you can get this missive to that “professor”. I’d like to find out how this pans out for you. You are amazing, and this post is worthy of high journalistic praise. Good luck. Please stay true to yourself, and try to maintain a positive attitude. You WILL prevail.

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  30. This burns my butt! Why people in power positions have to do this instead of treating students as peers? I for one expect that if a student is in College that they should be ABLE to write in standard English.

    This was unwarranted shaming.

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  31. What a horror. Did the Prof even know who you were? I loved this piece which so eloquently made your point. Don’t get discouraged! Academia NEEDS you.

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