Academia, Love Me Back

Academia, Love Me Back
in journal, student activists, Uncategorized 1,106 Words

My name is Tiffany Martínez. As a McNair Fellow and student scholar, I’ve presented at national conferences in San Francisco, San Diego, and Miami. I have crafted a critical reflection piece that was published in a peer-reviewed journal managed by the Pell Institute for the Study of Higher Education and Council for Opportunity in Education. I have consistently juggled at least two jobs and maintained the status of a full-time student and Dean’s list recipient since my first year at Suffolk University. I have used this past summer to supervise a teen girls empower program and craft a thirty page intensive research project funded by the federal government. As a first generation college student, first generation U.S. citizen, and aspiring professor I have confronted a number of obstacles in order to earn every accomplishment and award I have accumulated. In the face of struggle, I have persevered and continuously produced content that is of high caliber. 

I name these accomplishments because I understand the vitality of credentials in a society where people like me are not set up to succeed. My last name and appearance immediately instills a set of biases before I have the chance to open my mouth. These stereotypes and generalizations forced on marginalized communities are at times debilitating and painful. As a minority in my classrooms, I continuously hear my peers and professors use language that both covertly and overtly oppresses the communities I belong to. Therefore, I do not always feel safe when I attempt to advocate for my people in these spaces. In the journey to become a successful student, I swallow the “momentary” pain from these interactions and set my emotions aside so I can function productively as a student. 

Today is different. At eight o’clock this morning, I felt both disrespected and invalidated. For years I have spent ample time dissecting the internalized racism that causes me to doubt myself, my abilities, and my aspirations. As a student in an institution extremely populated with high-income white counterparts, I have felt the bitter taste of not belonging. It took until I used my cloud of doubt and my sociological training to realize that my insecurities are rooted in the systems I navigate every day. I am just as capable if not more so than those around me and my accomplishments are earned. 

This morning, my professor handed me back a paper (a literature review) in front of my entire class and exclaimed “this is not your language.” On the top of the page they wrote in blue ink: “Please go back and indicate where you cut and paste.” The period was included. They assumed that the work I turned in was not my own. My professor did not ask me if it was my language, instead they immediately blamed me in front of peers. On the second page the professor circled the word “hence” and wrote in between the typed lines “This is not your word.” The word “not” was underlined. Twice. My professor assumed someone like me would never use language like that. As I stood in the front of the class while a professor challenged my intelligence I could just imagine them reading my paper in their home thinking could someone like her write something like this? 

In this interaction, my undergraduate career was both challenged and critiqued. It is worth repeating how my professor assumed I could not use the word “hence,” a simple transitory word that connected two relating statements. The professor assumed I could not produce quality research. The professor read a few pages that reflected my comprehension of complex sociological theories and terms and invalidated it all. Their blue pen was the catalyst that opened an ocean of self-doubt that I worked so hard to destroy. In front of my peers, I was criticized by a person who had the academic position I aimed to acquire. I am hurting because my professor assumed that the only way I could produce content as good as this was to “cut and paste.” I am hurting because for a brief moment I believed them. 

Instead of working on my English paper that is due tomorrow, I felt it crucial to reflect on the pain that I am sick of swallowing. My work is a reflection of my growth in a society that sees me as the other. For too long I have others assume I am weak, unintelligent, and incapable of my own success. Another element of this invalidation is that as I sit here with teary eyes describing the distress I am too familiar with, the professor has probably forgotten all about it.  My heartache can not be universally understood and until it is, I have to continue to fight. At this moment, there are students who will never understand the desolation that follows an underlined “not.” There are students who will be assumed capable without the need to list their credentials in the beginning of a reflective piece. How many degrees do I need for someone to believe I am an academic?

At this moment, I am in the process of advocating for myself to prove the merit of my content to people who will never understand what it is like to be someone like me. Some of you won’t understand how every word that I use to describe this moment was diligently selected in a way that would properly reflect my intellect. I understand that no matter how hard I try or how well I write, these biases will continue to exist around me. I understand that my need to fight against these social norms is necessary. 

In reality, I am tired and I am exhausted. On one hand, this experience solidifies my desire to keep going and earn a PhD but on the other it is a confirmation of how I always knew others saw me. I am so emotional about this paper because in the phrase “this is not your word,” I look down at a blue inked reflection of how I see myself when I am most suspicious of my own success. The grade on my paper was not a letter, but two words: “needs work.” And it’s true. I am going to graduate in May and enter a grad program that will probably not have many people who look like me. The entire field of academia is broken and erases the narratives of people like me. We all have work to do to fix the lack of diversity and understanding among marginalized communities. We all have work to do. 

Academia needs work.

3,813 thoughts on “Academia, Love Me Back”

  2. Keep your head up. You’ve already won. Ignorant, bigoted minds will continue on this Earth. You’re smart, courageous, and pardon me for saying, beautiful. Smile, laugh, and move on. This is Life.

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  4. Tiffany, I originally left this comment on the Facebook page of a friend who shared this to her page. I wanted you to see it to let you know that I’m rooting for you! Please write a follow up piece to let us know when this professor has appologized to you and the details of the encounter.

    The care and precision with which Tiffany chose the words in her reflection is obvious. I read some of the other pieces that she wrote and it is evident that she pours her soul into her work. Writing is like giving birth. One labors for hours pushing out a word then pulling it back because the word doesn’t quite convey the fullness of ones thought. What that professor did to Tiffany’s work was heart wrenching; a blue ink sword stabbed into the heart of her labor of love! Unacceptable!

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  5. Tiffany, as an African-American woman of 60..I fully understand your feelings! As I worked through the rigors of academia, I had to constantly defend myself against the bias that exists. I continually tell myself to ignore the voices of ignorance and confront those who strive to make me feel less. I graduated Summa and all As in my graduate program, yet still people assumed that I was not capable UNTIL I proved myself. It becomes burdensome..but I keep up the good fight so others like us have a chance at success. REPORT that professor…I’ve done it in the past and demanded respect even when I was shaking inside. You are an intelligent woman…keep your head up and fight the good fight…I’m rooting for you! 💗

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    1. Most people commented on the facts they do have. A student of color was embarrassed in class in front of others based solely on an assumption of incompetence.

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  9. As a history teacher who worked with many first gen college students I have read a wide range of student papers and essays. In some cases the written work did not “sound” like the student’s voice. It raised questions — but until I located and could provide a citation to the language, I would never accuse a student of plagiarism. Often, that finely crafted essay is simply the result of competent research coupled with writing, editing, and rewriting again — until the student achieves his/her very best work. Plagiarism is an academic capital crime. It can end a career. In the classroom, just as in the courtroom, the charge should not be leveled without incontrovertible proof. I admire Ms. Martinez’ tenacity and would encourage her to continue forward toward her dream. America needs academicians like her.

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  10. I just want to add one more voice of empathy and support. Your professor’s unwarranted, racist criticisms and their behavior during class were not just reprehensible, they were unprofessional. I hope they face severe consequences as a result of it.

    Based on your writing here and what you have already accomplished, I can tell that you are thoughtful, intelligent, and will continue to excel in your studies, despite bigots like this one trying to stand in your way. Please know that there are plenty of people willing to stand behind you, as well.

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  11. I feel you.

    As do SO many more people, whether they’ve read this moving essay or not. Let us be the wind behind your back, beneath your wings. Feel it, stronger than the stinging sand in your face.

    RESPECT.

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  13. Tiffany, I’m so sorry this happened to you even though I am not surprised. There are so many people out there we can’t change and who won’t change themselves. I’m 54 years old. In my life so far many things have changed. In the course of your life many more will change. You will be a deep part of that change. I’d like to pose the question, “In this world, who do we need-the “professor” or you?” It’s you, dear. Write on, and be as smart as please.

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  14. My second grade teacher, Mrs. Warren, gave me low marks on a paper where I used several Britishisms because I had a collection of British English books at home and I was a self-learner, so I had several words where I knew the British instead of American spelling, like “jewellery.” The irony, though, was that she actually misspelled a word (in both British and American English ;> ) in one of her admonishing comments. My mom was angry and self-righteous about it, but I was just like, “Let me show you the book where I learned these words.”

    Other people’s ignorance make us de facto ambassadors – whether or not we want to be! – for whatever the knowledge, the reality check, is … it’s exhausting. Thank you for sharing this experience; maybe it’ll save someone else from having to be that ambassador. Keep fighting the good fight. What that prof did was beyond ridiculous. 😐

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  15. The implicit bias you speak of is real and comes in how police, faculty, bankers and others respond to different members of society. We need to be aware of these and their impacts. As an academic I recruite students from different backgrounds to work in my lab. I was thanked by my chair for taking on so many minority students. Why? Because, in his words, they tend to not be focused, they are academically behind, they miss home and they want careers that will make them money. My heart sank. Is this what he thinks of when he is approached by student’s of color in his classes or grad programs? Is this what he imagines when they apply for faculty positions? All students have weaknesses, but they also come with amazing strengths. In sum, your story confirms what I think many of my colleagues unfortunately believe. Find allies and folks that can support you. These were critical for me. Inspired by your resolve, don’t lose it!

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  16. Definitely keep doing what you are doing with your advocate. It is ridiculous that the professor thought the commonly used term “hence” was not yours. I taught college for years, English, and I saw many students of different caliber use that term. It does not belong to anyone specific and is highly common to use. That professor pointed herself out as someone with a personal problem.

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  17. Forget the idiots’ posts on here and embrace the people who support you. All words are your words. I’m disgusted by a professor, in this moment in particular where sensitivity *seems* to be highest, who would say something like this without checking themselves. But that proves that this professor isn’t someone you can let yourself be hurt by–easier said than done, of course.

    You have to do something that people of privilege, like myself, never have to do. That is, parse the real criticism that helps you grow from the garbage criticism that helps only to understand human flaws. To be painfully earnest, I support you, I believe you are a great writer, and you belong to a great tradition of writers and thinkers whose struggle benefits the rest of humanity with the insight and work ethic that comes from striving for perfection to overcome prejudice. You have the strength, you’ve shown it here. That’s yours.

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  18. Dear Tiffany: that professor needs to be called out at the highest levels. Adjust your big girl panties, don a suit of shining armour, climb on the biggest white horse you can find, tilt that lance, and aim it right at the offensive sod’s skull. Beautifully written article. I think there’s no doubt in any intelligent human’s mind that you’ve achieved thorough mastery over language. I would be willing to bet your classmates will be standing right behind you on this.

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  19. Pingback: Linkables  – The Questing Child

  21. Having read your post, it’s easy to see you have an extensive knowledge of the English language, so to be judged for use of the transitional word word ”hence” is insulting and ignorant on the professor’s part. Your ethics have been questioned and laws may have been broken in the process. You must make a formal complaint over this and get this mark against your integrity removed (and that ignorant professor educated!).

    But here is somethng else important, too: As you go about your career, you will continue to experience this type of ignorance and you must resolve to fight this kind of thinking wherever you find it, to pave the way not only for yourself, but for the Latina women-and all women- who routinely experience such insults. Cry in private- get it out of your system- and give ’em hell in public. You are strong; let each insult will make you stronger and more determined to succeed. You can do this!

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    1. Awesome encouragement. Your advice is true and pure. She should fight this and cry in secret. I had similar encounter in college. But mine was in the reverse. My encounter came from a Latino and a white professor and they were female as I am. But I fought my way and ended with a 3.6 gap instead of a 4.0 because thought I fought spiritually, naturally they won in how they graded me. Having to sit in more than one class with the same two that got your number was hard. But B’s are better than receiving C’s. Thank God all my other classes were A’s. I wish her all the best in her fight. And yes that professor needs to be brought up for his ignorance. He makes the academia body of professors look incompetent. It also let one step back and question how did this person became a professor in the first place. It makes me wonder if these colleges and universities have the professor prove their credentials before hiring.

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  22. Thank you for sharing your story, Tiffany. It is heartbreaking to hear how this affects you, and I hope you continue to draw strength from it. Because of stories like yours, I regularly ask myself how well I’m doing in the classroom and try to pay attention to being sensitive while being an unabashedly “tough” professor.

    In my experience, there is an honest interest among most academics to be aware of these implicit biases, the racism frankly, that exists in some of our classrooms. We continue to have problems, but I know many who want this to be better, that want these events to never happen.

    The advice in other comments to see the dean are spot on! Please do this! You should, and likely will, receive a sympathetic audience and not unlikely actual results. But if you do encounter more of the same, I hope you will consider other excellent schools who recognize the need for and strive for improvement. I know here at Virginia Tech we would welcome you.

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  24. Pingback: Friday Favourites – My Lebanese Hairitage

    1. This doesn’t strike me as a violation of FERPA to the letter of the law, but it’s certainly insensitive and poor judgment to imply or allege plagiarism through conversational feedback in an open environment. Further, burden of proof is on the professor. If s/he feels that you copied these words it’s their obligation to produce the evidence. Pursue all of these issues within the academic guidelines of your institution. Fight like hell.

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      1. It’s absolutely a FERPA violation. You can’t discuss a student’s work in front of other students without the original student’s permission, which would cover comments a teacher might make during peer editing, for example. To basically accuse a student of plagiarism (“cut and paste”) while she’s standing in front of the class is a clear violation.

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  27. Dear Tiffany, I am heart broken to read your struggle. Please do not give up or give in to people’s ignorance. Know you are not alone, but together we can show the world we are more than a long dark brown hair, olive skin, hispanic. I am a first generation “everything” in my family, from college graduate to US Citizen. I am an FBI Agent. Nobody can take away who we know we are inside and out.

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  28. I do not think that a professor should accuse a student of plagiarism without ample evidence, but a professor’s job is to be critical. How thinned skinned are we? I would argue that most students have been challenged for one reason or another in the classroom. The narrative that it is all about white privilege and race has become so prevalent that it is no longer even questioned nor is it appropriate to question this ready-made explanation for everything without committing a major faux pas. I believe that real prejudice does happen at times, but it is not the main factor in every interaction! A student going through higher education should have many trying moments–education is often a trial by fire, or what is it worth?Investigate other possibilities for the challenge before jumping on the idea that it is because of your skin color, last name, or religion. There are other explanations; they are just hard to see because we have become myopic.

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    1. Erica, the fact the professor references Tiffany’s language indicates a prejudgment, or bias. This is not an appropriate academic challenge. The two together make the critique about race. I agree with you that of late, too many use “privilege” inaccurately. Tiffany, at least from this incident, is not one of them.

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    2. Ummmmm check yourself. Did you read the article at all? This isn’t a student of color complaining about her work being critiqued. This is a student of color whose professor humiliated her by stating, in front of her peers, his assertion that she could not have written the work that she turned in based on his own racist bias about what a woman that looks like her is capable of writing. Her accused her a plagiarism and made her peers doubt her intelligence as well without a shred of evidence. You just further proved her point with this drivel. Why do white people think they can pontificate with authority about what is and isn’t racist when they are the primary perpetuators of racism, and have zero experience living in a society that is racist against them. Have several seats.

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      1. I’m sorry, I seem to have missed the part that said the professor was a white male. I’ve suffered as a student under a feminist female professor . Please check your own stereotypes .

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      2. There are many reasons why the professor may have erroneously thought she plagiarized. Is it possible that her style of writing suddenly changed? Is it possible that the professor is having marital problems, drinking too much, and shouldn’t be teaching? The professor (he or she) may have been very familiar with the student’s writing for all we know.This argument that the accusation could only be based upon the student’s ethnicity assumes too much that we can’t know from this article alone. Certainly all of the white students have perfect grades and their writing is never questioned or they are never accused of plagiarism. Maybe this was a blatant act of prejudice. Can we really say with any certainty? Accusing someone of plagiarism without evidence is about as bad of accusing them of unchecked racism with limited evidence.

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  29. I originally read it as ‘this is NOT your world’. Unfortunately, it seems, he may as well have written that.
    Just keep working hard and don’t let “entitled” individuals question your integrity. Consistent excellence and hard work will always outweigh and withstand baseless accusations and slander.

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  30. Using an exclamation point in a academic paper. Do you also use emoticons?
    You are most likely one of the weaker students and any professor would be suspicious when your writing skills suddenly improves in your paper.
    The only way for anyone to decide if you did plagiarism or not is for you to post the whole paper.

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    2. A choice in punctuation or a mispelled word is not a reflection of someone’s intellectual comprehension of the English language. “Hence” is not a million dollar word. Perhaps she’s read a book before or is just an actual adult who is an actual student. Regardless of the potential plethora of reasons as to why she (or anyone) would us the word “hence,” to use a word that is common to the English language is not a form of plagiarism. It is not uncommon that people do not actually speak the same way that they write. Your assumption is jarring and immature. Do not assume yourself greater because you would never use an exclamation point to convey emotion, weight, or emphasis in a research paper.

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    3. There are no bright line rules in academic writing. Exclamation marks could be decisively and skillfully used to punctuate a exclamatory sentence. Whether someone uses an exclamation mark (or any other word, punctuation, structure, etc., as this article highlights in the first place) should not be determinative of whether they plagiarized. Moreover, “did plagiarism” is not a thing–it is akin to saying “did sexism” or “did racism.” So, it would hardly seem appropriate for someone who misuses the word “plagiarism” to require this student, who is trying so desperately to work hard and be accepted into American academia, to request the entire appear for your assessment. That is not your job–to assess whether she did/not plagiarize. Rather, this article shines a spotlight on the fact that quick judgments (like the one you made based solely on the use of an exclamation mark) are being baselessly and detrimentally made in the academic arena.

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    5. that’s not the point of this essay… it’s how the academic world can be harsh towards someone just because of their ethnicity or color. read the article again…

      and on plagiarism, if there’s any suspicion of plagiarism, go get it checked — there are apps and websites for this that all professors should have access to. if the suspicion is still there, talk to the student one-on-one; ask them specific questions about their essay. then bring it up to the program/department. don’t humiliate students in front of the entire class — that’s not process.

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  31. I am incredibly sorry for this incident. Just know that your gender is also to blame! Please follow the advice of your peers so that this particular professor and HIS peers can learn a thing or two! “Hence” is a lovely word and we all own it.

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    1. I find it interesting that you assume it’s a male professor. (I confess, I did, too when I offered my comment above.) It looks, though, as if Tiffany has exercised great care in concealing this information from us. Well played, Tiffany.

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  32. “The entire field of academia is broken and erases the narratives of people like me.”

    Yep, and it isn’t only broken in this way. She might be in for a shock if her politics differed significantly to the professor as well. Not only “this is not you word”, but “this can’t seriously be your work”, or “you can’t say that”.

    I truly do wish you the best, and hope you know that people are reading what you wrote, nodding and thinking of similar experiences. Hence, you are having an impact.

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  35. I second the advice above to make a formal complaint, both for the public shaming and that fact that your teacher thinks that ‘hence’ is not a word in the general vocabulary of anyone and everyone doing an undergraduate degree. I would question this teacher’s ability to do their job, not your ability to write your paper. As for your English homework, I’d be tempted to hand in this blog post not only as proof that you have been working but also why you have been unable to do the assigned task and that you would be well up to it were you not so upset. Show the other teachers what this one is up to, and how bad their grasp of grammar is.

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  38. Tiffany,

    I’m so sorry you had this experience. It’s inexcusable and yet totally believable from a university that has a white male as an expert on African American lit. In case it helps, sending you love and encouragement.

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  39. My dear soon to be colleague: I too was the first in my family to go to college.After reading about you I was desperate to send you a word of encouragement. I know how you feel. As a minority associate professor, let me advise you that it’s not over.Hook up with any minority scholar support groups you can. Take care of yourself so you don’t burnout. We need you out here. I was told by my high school counselor that I couldn’t go to the top school I had chosen. I applied without her help and got in. She looked like a fool at my graduation. As an undergraduate, I faced a professor who claimed all black people have a speech impediment. I was told I did not have a chance to get a doctorate. I was canned for tenure. You have a right to a second opinion. Get it! I don’t get why your professor was so disrespectful to accuse you before your peers. If there was concern, you should have been consulted in private about using “hence” instead of “therefore” or “thus”. There are also instruments available to check for plagiarism. Your professor should know the sources, In other words, you were subjected to bull-crap.

    As you can see, I did get the PhD. and I did get another tenure-track position and I did get tenure. I’m passionate about my field and don’t let anyone steal yours. There are great scholars and there are mediocre ones who never learned how to deal respectfully with students or even teach effectively in the classroom. Strive not to be one of them. I’m sending you love and strength. You belong with us.

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    1. Thank you for encouraging her… This post was so painful to read. I really hope Tiffany gets all the support she can get from others like you who has been through the same and got through it bravely.

      Tiffany, please dont give up on yourself no matter what anyone says. Much love!

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  41. How horrible! That professor owes you a public apology. I am so sorry for your pain, but know your voice is needed in this world and you should not allow this bigoted professor or any others to silence you.

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  42. Just to play devil’s advocate a second, I’ve had that happen before. Multiple times throughout my education, sometimes catching me in the act, sometimes when I was experimenting with a new writing style. An english teacher learns your writing style and that is your “Language” to them. What makes you so sure it was such a personal attack instead of just them noticing that this wasn’t your normal “language” or writing style?

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    1. Because it’s fairly early in the semester, it’s doubtful the professor ‘knows` her ‘style’ yet. And the proper action to take would be to question her privately, not assume she is guilty and humiliate her in front of the entire class. Have YOU ever been publicly humiliated and accused of fraud because of one word used in a paper???

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    2. Even if the professor had become positively convinced that he/she “knew” Ms. Martinez’s voice and style of writing, there is a time and a place to address the concern.

      This was neither the time nor the place.

      I hope that Ms. Martinez avails herself to every avenue of redress available to her.

      While she decides how to right the wrong against her, I hope you will stop trying to justify the racist and offensive manner in which Ms. Martinez was treated.

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  43. That professor’s comment is grounds of a lawsuit unlike any other. At a time when tools, such as Copyscape are available for the professor to examine whether their doubt was legitimate or bias, there is NO excuse for such a baseless accusation to have been made.

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  45. I find it almost funny that the instructor used improper verb tense in their critique of your writing – shouldn’t it have been “cut and pasted?”

    Furthermore, I just want to validate that someone saying “This is NOT your word” is disrespectful, arrogant and demeaning, and you have every right to reject it and make the injustice known. It is likely not the first time they’ve treated a student in this way, but with any luck, it will be the last. I’m sorry and hope it doesn’t deter you from continuing on your path.

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  46. Tiffany,

    Your professor violated FERPA–The Federal Educational Right to Privacy Act –the minute he started discussing his grading of your paper and accusing you of plagerism infront of your peers. As a former Dean, that is a serious matter that I would like to be informed of immediately. Further, you have the right to appeal the grading of that paper. I encourage you to request a meeting with your department chair and Dean to discuss this matter. I would carbon copy the university Ombudsman, so that there is an official record of your complaint. I would state facts in your meeting and in your email requesting a meeting. Be sure to request a different professor for the remainder of the semester–they can accommodate you via independent study.

    I encourage you to continue to forge your path in academia and perhaps look to transfer to a university that has faculty mentors who can help you to reach your goals.

    Adelante! Ni un paso atrás!

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    1. I am interested in your reference to the professor as “he”. It appears that she bent over backwards to avoid characterizing gender here, but I’ll bet you are absolutely right. You can call it my prejudice but I started college in 1961 when this sort of thing was aimed at women daring to tiptoe on male turf. Unpeeling the stinking onion of prejudice continues!

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      1. In fact, in interviews with other blogs about the incident, she has identified the professor as a woman. So I am also interested in how both of you, and many other commenters, assume it is a man.

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  47. In my fantasy, this actually becomes a teachable moment for the faculty when Tiffany’s complaint is acknowledged and the “professor” is called to account for his/her actions. Please let us know if there is some sort of action taken to correct this misperception by the school.

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  48. I have a PhD. I have caught plagerism before. It is easy to catch, but have never accused without proof often gained by me by a simple Google search on the offending sentence. I never act without the evidence and never on one word.

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  49. Pingback: Knowledge is Power | A Professor Circled “Hence” On A Latina Student’s Paper And Wrote “This Is Not Your Word”

  50. “Their blue pen was the catalyst that opened an ocean of self-doubt that I worked so hard to destroy.” – Ms. Martinez.

    I will teach academic writing next semester. It’s a good thing that I read this.

    It reminds me of “scholarly paper in college”

    HENCE, writing is to express…
    Academia, love her back.

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